Scribblous

Today, I spent 5 minutes secretly watching my son play by himself. I know not everyone can spend 5 minutes in this way, but to me it was a joy. I snuck past him and laid down where he wouldn’t notice me. Then I watched him putter around. He has such joy as he plays. As he knocked down the fan he’s not supposed to touch and then climbed on top of it, I was struck by a notion: Time moves too fast. And we let it.

What is more important than now? With little children, they grow so fast that we can’t keep up. In our own lives and things, in 10 years, will we want to remember that we were always looking somewhere else, or will we want to know we were happy in the moment? It reminds me of something an old Jedi master once said, “Always to the future he looks, never on where he is, what he is doing.”

I will quickly admit it is important to pay attention to your future — otherwise you will have no future. But if we don’t stop to enjoy the roses, to love that your son throws your clothes around the room and wants to touch your burnt toe, to watch the sunset, then what is the purpose of the future?

Someday, I realized this morning, my son will no longer play with things he should not. He will no longer wander the house eating everything on the floor. And, someday, he will grow up and leave my home. Today, though, I have him here. Today I have for me, for him, and for my family.

So, today, I am making myself a promise. Yesterday I enjoyed a post on finding happiness and I resolved to attend to my passions. Today I am resolved to try to do it today. I will do the things that make me happy and do them now, so that in 10 years I don’t regret the waste of 10 years.

Which means I need to go get started on my story!

I mentioned recently that I enjoy dancing with a young baby. Of late, this has become a favorite pastime in my home. My son will crawl over to his little train and carefully push the button on the top (or not so carefully… either way the music starts). Then he dances to the music. My husband and I will join in, often even if he’s ignoring our existence.

I realized this evening, as I played ball with him and he chased it happily around the house, that he has no fear. I don’t mean he has no fear of danger (although that is true, too… no concept of a hot oven in that sweet little head). I mean he doesn’t fear being mocked or looked down on. His dreams are his own. They may be simple dreams today, but he lives them. And he lives them so well that everyone around is inspired to join in.

My brother recently saw some windmills, not the old fashioned kind, but the newer, electric kind, and we had a discussion about “tilting at windmills” as Don Quixote was said to have been doing in Man of La Mancha. For those of you who haven’t been privileged to see said movie, go see it. OK… fine… I’ll explain… no time to explain, I’ll sum up… Don Quixote thinks he’s a knight. He thinks he is fighting monsters, but it’s really only windmills and he ends up hurting himself in the attack. He goes on to find a damsel to be his lady-love, fights an enchanter, and tries to protect the world from all evil. But the whole time his family and friends think he’s insane.

Are we insane when we chose to dream? Are we crazy when we want what no one else thinks is possible? Am I just tilting at windmills like Don Quixote? Or is everyone else just blind?

Don Quixote sings his quest, explaining how he’s going to take on the world:

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I’ll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

With his dying breath, Don Quixote fights for that quest. He reaches for the star. So often, I see people dropping their dreams because it’s hard or because their family doesn’t understand or because they’re too busy. But I hope I never do. I hope my dream list grows bigger and bigger and I strive with my last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable star.